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Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:50:58 GMT

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Name: Evy
E-mail: chinchin.mono@gmail.com
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Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:49:11 GMT

CHARACTER
NAME: Kondo Isao
FANDOM: Gintama
TIMELINE PERIOD: post-Mitsuba arc
BACKGROUND: > Kondo Isao is the commander of Edo's police force, the Shinsengumi. The Shinsengumi work directly for the bakufu, which is run by aliens called the Amanto that had taken over Edo, and are responsible for capturing criminals and terrorists as well as protecting the people of Edo and important government officials. Kondo grew up in a run-down family dojo with some of the other key members of the Shinsengumi where they trained together and often fought to protect it from hoodlums. He eventually formed the Shinsengumi alongside Okita Sougo and Hijikata Toshirou, two of his childhood friends.

Early on in the series, he meets Shimura Otae and falls in love with her because she claims that she likes men with hairy posteriors of which he happens to possess. He then proceeds to duel Gintoki, the main character, for her hand in marriage after Gintoki pretends to be betrothed to her. In spite of losing the duel, he continues to stalk Otae throughout the series, often shown hiding under tables, listening in on her conversations, and appearing randomly wherever she is. He claims to be deeply in love with her, even going so far as to nickname himself 'Gorilla 13' because that's the number of times in which Otae has rejected him.

He is notably terrified of his superior, Matsudaira, and is often drawn into several excursions with him, including trailing after Matsudaira's daughter while she's on a date at an amusement park or when he is forced to drive Matsudaira around for the day. He is also shown risking his life several times to save others such as when he takes a bullet to protect an Amanto official from a small terrorist group and when he saves Itou Kamatarou, a noted spy for the notorious terrorist faction, the Kiheitai, from death. Unfortunately, he is also the victim of several other more horrible events, including nearly marrying a gorilla, getting his penis caught in a hole, being so afraid of ghosts he let a little girl take him to the bathroom, being turned into a giant screw by aliens, getting caught acting as a pervert on the internet, soiling himself twice, and losing his memory to end up working in an explosives factory.

SAMPLES

THIRD PERSON: It was the moment of truth –now or never. There were so few opportunities in one's life for a man to really prove himself, and this was Kondo's chance. He'd already made a promise to his sweet, sweet, beautiful, kind, and understanding Otae-san that he would retrieve the most precious of treasures –the thing that men killed for. He would regain it and present it to her as a peace offering for that time he'd been caught pillaging through her closet to find a good idea for a nice, pre-emptive wedding gift for his love.

Yes, his balls still hurt a bit from having them kicked in.

And yes, it still hurt to pee.

But that was beside the matter! The important thing at hand was that some ingrate had dared -dared- to touch her unmentionables before him! That was despicable and beyond acceptable. It was the duty of the Shinsengumi to rain justice amongst prowlers and perverts alike …even if some occasionally suspected Kondo was a pervert.

Because he wasn't!

That young woman said she was eighteen, and he'd only accidentally put his hand there!

With his goal to protect the city's female population from the panty thief in mind and his determination to prove his rightful place as the head of the Shinsengumi, Kondo tightened his grip on his sword and narrowed his eyes dangerously at his opponent. The man had some nerve to show his face here once again and dangle the prized panties in the air with such machismo. There was little holding him back from charging at him immediately, his weapon extended and pure, solid will pushing his legs as he gave out a war cry.

"NOBODY LAYS A HAND ON OTAE-SAN'S CUTE PANTIES AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! I, KONDO ISAO, COMMANDER OF THE SHINSENGUMI, WILL BE THE ONE TO DEFEAT YOU!!"

Unfortunately, all the determination in the world couldn't guard him from the sudden and random blast of an ill-placed land mine that went off beneath Kondo's feet as he remained only a few bare inches from the panty-thief. The fire charred through most of his clothes and left quite the burning sensation in every inch of his body that brought tears to his eyes.

He assured himself these were manly tears and very appropriate for the situation.

Fruits Chinpo Samurai

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